One night I was re-reading my favorite book 'The Bell Jar' and I realized I was Chitchatbee aka Just a girl the last time I had something meaningful to say. I had braces, bangs and I was obsessed with Audrey Hepburn. I dreamed of writing for Time magazine and traveling the world in 80 days. Just like Holly Golightly I was the girl who couldn't be tamed. I never finished watching the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's. I didn't want to believe my favorite heroine would succumb to what was conventional and what was... 'easy.' I wanted her to stay up and fight. Instead she would, as I later found out, kiss the protagonist in the rain and live happily ever after.
Are we really better off as quitters?
Sometimes life just gets so frustrating. We no longer understand what we are fighting for. So instead, we decide to settle for ordinary. It's almost inevitable when we reach a certain age logic will kick in. Time is no longer on our side. We don't want to be the guy or girl who dreamed of flying to the moon but landed at Hungry Jacks. We are not 'quitters,' we are 'realists.' You know you've become one when you wake up in the morning and realize it is just another day. Just an ordinary day.
I had an epiphany a few days back but I can only conceptualize it into something that makes minimal sense. This world is only made up of ordinary people. There is no such thing as extra-ordinary. Before you try to correct me you need to give me a chance to explain. We are ordinary until we do something difficult and then we get labelled as extra-ordinary. What changed? We are still the same person. One of Bill Gate's 11 rules of life is: 'The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself." The world will judge us by our achievements and not by our character. Therefore we can complete 'extra-ordinary' feats but we can never be extra-ordinary people. It's not all cynical and depressing. If my theory is accurate and we are all born ordinary then we are all capable to a certain extent. Here's where the logic kicks in. The world isn't fair. As ordinary as we all are, we are still individuals. We have different personalities, strengths, backgrounds, connections and so forth. We can add fate to that mix and it will complicate things even further. We have different destinies. We suffer pain and experience joy at different intervals of our lives.
You see how logic messes up our minds and keeps the world intact? My thoughts tonight flip back and forth from Krystina to Chitchatbee. I don't even know who I am anymore. Hopefully I will find a balance between my conscious mind and the alter-ego. I can't promise I will always be here. There are moments I have nothing to say. Like right now. Suddenly. I need some rest.
After all this time,
I still love you always.
