Far too Asian?

It's December 25th in New Zealand. So, first of all, I want to say Merry Christmas! God Bless Everyone!

About a week ago, my Mum's friend drove us to a Wedding Party in Hamilton. In the car along with us were their two little children, a girl and a boy. During the ride to Hamilton, my Mother who is a Chinese parent was constantly lecturing me about how inappropriate it was to be wearing short shorts. Her friend, a New Zealander on the other hand simply laughed. From that one little incident, I could see a crucial difference between the parenting of Asian Parents and White Parents. White parents were more relaxed and casual, they take parenting as a leisure, not an obligation. Asian Parents on the other hand treat educating children as a task they must succeed in. Children, represent themselves, their own background and the way other people will view the family.

As we stopped for petrol, my Mum's friend's little girl cried for a bite to eat. Without hestitation, her Mum got out of the car, walked into the petrol station and returned with three mince pies, two ice creams and three creamed doughnuts. Despite my longing temptation to accept a mince pie, I declined without hesitation. The reason for my ungrateful gesture? My Mother's disgust towards junkfood. I realised only at that moment how harsh and disciplined Asian parents are. This can be a positive factor, or it can a negative. Parents need to give their children space and freedom. The controlling attitude Asian Parents hold towards their own children can make it difficult for them to make their own decisions. Their pressuring lectures usually begin with, 'You must never...' The never part always sounds intimidating, the desired effect. Asian parents are known for their possessive and controlling nature. They tend to choose everything for their children, from the clothes on their backs to the courses they study at university. What I've noticed about European parents is that they give their own children the chance to grow as individuals, to do what they dream of no matter how unrealistic the ambitions.

The expectations Asian children have to live up to is tremendous. They not only have to satisfy their own needs, but also the needs of their parents. My Grandmother, for instance, a traditional Chinese woman of high social status frowns at any unmarried women over the age of twenty five. 'You,' she would say to me, 'must get married as soon as you finish university.' For me, a teenager with absolutely no intentions of marriage or children could only shudder at the thought. Culture and up bringing play an inevitable role in the way Asian parents bring up their own children. A good education, a smart marriage and decent children are on every typical Asian person's agenda. The ones I admire are the ones who can go out into the world and liberate their own lives.

I am privileged to be living in a multicultural country, where I can fully experience different cultural upbringings. That is why I will not be brought down by the rules of heritage because sometimes, what you see isn't what you get. A polite, well educated Asian child may be suffering internal damage from struggling to meet his or her parents' and family's expectations. From what I have eye-witnessed and encountered from my own experiences and my many Asian friends, life is often difficult. Everyday is an inner conflict to satisfy our very Asian parents.