Extra-Ordinary

I don't know why I chose to return here. I had neglected this blog for so long. The old me who had an unwavering conviction of who she was got lost somewhere between the transition from being a little girl and growing up.

One night I was re-reading my favorite book 'The Bell Jar' and I realized I was Chitchatbee aka Just a girl the last time I had something meaningful to say. I had braces, bangs and I was obsessed with Audrey Hepburn. I dreamed of writing for Time magazine and traveling the world in 80 days. Just like Holly Golightly I was the girl who couldn't be tamed. I never finished watching the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's. I didn't want to believe my favorite heroine would succumb to what was conventional and what was... 'easy.' I wanted her to stay up and fight. Instead she would, as I later found out, kiss the protagonist in the rain and live happily ever after.

Are we really better off as quitters?

Sometimes life just gets so frustrating. We no longer understand what we are fighting for. So instead, we decide to settle for ordinary. It's almost inevitable when we reach a certain age logic will kick in. Time is no longer on our side. We don't want to be the guy or girl who dreamed of flying to the moon but landed at Hungry Jacks. We are not 'quitters,' we are 'realists.' You know you've become one when you wake up in the morning and realize it is just another day. Just an ordinary day.

I had an epiphany a few days back but I can only conceptualize it into something that makes minimal sense. This world is only made up of ordinary people. There is no such thing as extra-ordinary. Before you try to correct me you need to give me a chance to explain. We are ordinary until we do something difficult and then we get labelled as extra-ordinary. What changed? We are still the same person. One of Bill Gate's 11 rules of life is: 'The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself." The world will judge us by our achievements and not by our character. Therefore we can complete 'extra-ordinary' feats but we can never be extra-ordinary people. It's not all cynical and depressing. If my theory is accurate and we are all born ordinary then we are all capable to a certain extent. Here's where the logic kicks in. The world isn't fair. As ordinary as we all are, we are still individuals. We have different personalities, strengths, backgrounds, connections and so forth. We can add fate to that mix and it will complicate things even further. We have different destinies. We suffer pain and experience joy at different intervals of our lives.

You see how logic messes up our minds and keeps the world intact? My thoughts tonight flip back and forth from Krystina to Chitchatbee. I don't even know who I am anymore. Hopefully I will find a balance between my conscious mind and the alter-ego. I can't promise I will always be here. There are moments I have nothing to say. Like right now. Suddenly. I need some rest.

After all this time,

I still love you always.

Krystina Chitchatbee

Heart poured into a beat

Heart poured into a beat

Flimsy fingers reluctantly slide over pallid keys
Leaving behind a soft trace of melancholy,
Hesitating at every broken note and chord.

Recreating the works of Tchaikovsky and Beethoven
Tales that have been told a million times before,
Careful taps on the black and white scales
Flawed attempts at retracing history.

Eyes shifting slowly across the folded pages
Jagged beats patterned to form an indecisive tune
Gliding through the intoxicating rhythm

Painfully.

Pieces of the melody entwine to form a song,
The notes fall through like heavy rain halting
Only to moments of silence.

The strained sound of one’s own heart
poured into a beat.

What am I doing?

Thursday 30th September 2010 2:30pm. Classical studies and geography internals untouched. I've opened up about fifty windows(an exaggeration) on my computer. I'm staring blankly at the screen hoping a little white bunny dressed in a suit will suddenly pop up and  take me to Wonderland. Then, I'll drink tea with the Red Queen and laze around with the Cheshire Cat.

I've been watching too many movies lately. First I was flying away in Howl's moving castle, then I was following the yellow brick road with Dorothy. What will I do next? Will I travel to space with Wall-E or hook up with Christian in the Moulin Rouge?

Right now you are probably thinking, why isn't she writing some melodramatic poignant article like she usually does? Although I've never had more than a teaspoon of alcohol in my life, I'm drunk. Drunk from having to stay indoors all day because of the weather, drunk when I saw the price of airfares to Taiwan this Summer. My mind refuses to think anymore. The less I think, the more bliss I feel. I guess that's why alcohol is so addictive these days. It blocks out all of the pain life throws at you. By all means I'm not encouraging you to grab a bottle of vodka and pour it down your throat. Actually, whatever, you can if you want to.

I'm going to doze off now on a cushion of clouds. Hopefully I'll have some sense knocked into me when I wake up. But for now, tut tut. Goodnight my sweet...

One more week of holidays...please?

While writing this I am dreading the thought of returning to school tomorrow. School means waking up at six in the morning just to get a spot near the heater in the library. The only excitable concept about going back to school is I get to see my friends again. Apart from that, I feel like school is like a status labellar. Firstly there are there the super smart kids who are destined for a bright and prosperous future. Then, the populars who are unfairly bright and beautiful. Then...okay, my school is not that stereotypical. But from time to time I do feel like some kids get all the luck. They have good looks, smart, happy family life, wealthy background and have a well paid part-time job. The teachers praise them for their excellent work results while people like me hang around until the last minute of each class waiting to ask the teacher for feedback, only to be self reminded that I will never be able to produce work as erudite as some other people because they are naturally smart.

I hate the concept of school because it makes you believe that you can't succeed without an education. If you are not naturally smart you are only average. The word average always hits a sensitive soft on my heart. If you are average you are just another fish swimming in the large blue ocean. No power, no status. I'm being rather hypocritical here. I want an education. Not because I necessarily believe in it, but because I want to finish what I have started and slaved over for the last twelve years of my life. One day when I live my own life I will probably have forgotten the things I once learned as a sixth former in high school. Because you forget things that don't mean anything to you. However, high school encounterings like the friends I've made and the life experiences I've gained mean I will possibly still remember. I wish I can start liking late nights of study and early mornings in the life. Perhaps one day I will miss these days of youth. But until then...can I have one more week of the holidays...please?

Seventeen candles

On the second of July this year, I turned seventeen. Ten years ago, I thought twelve was a big number to reach, seventeen was unthinkably far away. Sweet seventeen represents the start of a new era in my life. Not a child but not yet an adult. The days pass quickly as we grow older, the candles on the cake keep on increasing. Soon, there will not be enough room to fit all of the candles. That's how many years I've been in this world. Although we think time passes slowly. Counting the seconds, minutes in each day, it seems it will be a lifetime before we reach a year. Yet, I've counted seventeen of those years in my short life.

Looking at my Mum, a woman who is nearly forty still dancing around happily in the room. Noticing at her current activity you 'd think she is a little kid waiting to count every star in the night sky. She represents the sole concept that age is but a number. Although we have no control over the effect time has on our bodies, we do have control on how time affects our minds. We age when we choose to age. For some people, that time is never.

Blowing out the candles on my black forest cake while being surrounded by my family and friends reminds me of how beautiful yet short life is. There are the times where the world is dark and hopeless but there are also the moments where candles shine their brightest. Sweet seventeen. Seventeen brightly lit candles creating dim reflections on the living room wall. My friends hint that I'm becoming an old lady. Yes, in some sense I am not getting any younger. I can't tie a string around time and hide it away in my closet so I can stay seventeen forever. But I can choose what to do with the time God has given me. I know that no matter how many candles that will be added to my cake in the years to come, I'll remain a kid at heart.

A really short post

I remember reading this beautiful page on the social website Facebook. It went like this: 'As we grow up, we don't lose friends. We just learn who our real ones are.' The saying is so inevitably true. As children, we accept almost anyone into our lives, but as we grow older, we make much more careful judgements. This is due to our newfound insecurity. Suddenly, the things that didn't matter as children means everything to an adult. Naivety is the secret to happiness, but we lose it while growing up. Curiosity really does make things more complicated.

Missing the good old days

I can't believe it's already June! It feels like the New Year only began yesterday! I'm so busy lately, I miss blogging. If I had a bigger say in my life, I'd be blogging everyday. But thanks to all of the essays I have to write at school, my ideas have run out. This is an english profile I wrote in English. It's not my best piece of work but it's a remembrance of what I've done in high school.

Dramatically humble

Actors are usually portrayed as loud, flamboyant and outgoing. Surprisingly, Jackson is exactly the opposite. Perched on a red leather sofa dressed in army pants and a black t-shirt, Jackson acknowledges me with a friendly nod. He makes no exaggerated movements as he stands up to greet me. Instead, he gives my hand a gentle shake and quietly returns to his seat. Not the first impression you’d expect from an accomplished actor.

Born with a modest nature, Jackson never dreamed of being in the spotlight. It was only after watching Marlon Brando’s moving performance as Don Vito Corleone in The Godfather at the age of twelve that Jackson decided he wanted to become an actor. However, the road to where he is today hasn’t always been very smooth. Five years ago, after finishing high school, Jackson auditioned to study acting at the National Academy of Singing and Dramatic Art in Christchurch. He was not accepted after being told by a teacher that he did not have the talent to make it in the acting industry. This was not Jackson’s first time facing rejection as an actor but it was the first time his acting had been so heavily criticized. It served as a huge blow to his self-esteem. During the weeks that followed, he contemplated quitting acting. “The rejection wasn’t so bad, it was being told I wasn’t good enough that really hurt. I thought, maybe it was time to try something new.” But Jackson’s love for acting refused to let him surrender so he auditioned for places at other drama schools in New Zealand. His determination eventually paid off when a he was awarded a three year course to study at the prestigious New Zealand College of performing Arts

Those three years of training at the New Zealand College of Performing Arts have been extremely worthwhile for Jackson. Currently, he is acting in the NZ band P Money and Milan’s new music video 'Fallen’. The filming often involves more than twelve hours of rehearsal. “Acting for the video is a lot of work but seeing it all come together is amazing,” he tells me. Endless hours of rehearsals, training and commitment have established Jackson a name in the NZ film industry. His talent, determination and down to earth nature have been recognized by various casting directors and as a result Jackson has been cast in over twenty five productions including the 2008 film ‘Under Control’ and the current Pacific Blue commercial. When asked how he feels about his achievements, he simply shrugs, “they’re all really cool, I just try and have fun at the same time.”

It is no surprise that Jackson is one of the most sought-after actors in NZ. His acting profile extends all the way to Los Angeles where he was cast in the film ‘Raven’ alongside actress Dee Wallace and where he also trained in drama under legendary acting coach Aaron Speiser. Yet far from following in the footsteps of New Zealand born actors Martin Henderson and Anna Pacquin who make America their base, Jackson will continue to purse his career in New Zealand. “Los Angeles was an amazing experience for me, I learned so much about acting I did not know before, but NZ is ultimately where my heart is, where I want to be.”

Describing himself as a “typical kiwi,” Jackson is one of the most unassuming and down to earth people you will ever meet. When he was cast as the lead in a feature film, his family did not know about it until they saw it on television. When they pelted him with questions, he answered with a shrug, “I didn’t know they showed it on TV this morning.” Jackson’s casual reaction shows that the achievement didn’t affect him as a person. He still retained his humanity.

For Jackson, acting has been a defining feature of his life since he was twelve and is something he is planning to pursue for the rest of his life. “I love being on set with the whole team around you. I love being in the moment.” But he comprehends acting does not always provide a stable source of income. “Of course I have a backup plan if the industry closes down on me. I’m not in it for the fame or fortune. I feel wealthy just being able to do what I love.” Modest words.

Jackson’s talent, determination and humanity make him a great person as well as an amazing actor. More than just his love for acting, Jackson wishes to act as a role model for budding New Zealand actors. “New Zealand has such a great range of incredible actors. I hope my accomplishments will encourage other actors to continue pursuing their dreams.” Jackson’s humanity here is highlighted by his genuine care towards other actors.

As our interview draws to a closure, Jackson rises from his seat to shake my hand. This time his grip is firmer, more confident. Before I depart, he adds with a slight smile, “I’m not a great actor. I’m just a bloke who loves to act.”

What a humble guy!

Winters night

The whole world seemed dark and foreboding underneath the winter sky. Naked trees swayed around in the chilly breeze welcoming the gentle falling of white petals, slowly reaching the stone pathway. The large silvery moon hid itself among the clouds, overpowered by the darkness. The entire world was silent.

Gazing out from the stained glass window was a little girl dressed in layers of unnecessary clothing. Her pale emaciated figure suggested an ill little girl wishing to be outside, outside where winter was at its fullest. A little statue perched on top of a rich red leather sofa, a diminutive sculpture, wishing to be alive and free from the safe and comforting presence of her home.

Tiny footsteps formed on the supple layers of pallid snow. She had done it, she had escaped. The girl beamed at the familiar images of a typical winter’s night, illustrations she had only ever seen through her window were now tangible and real. The trees parted to form a path for the tiny figure, introducing her to the beauty of winter, for the first time in eight years.

The girl glanced back at her now abandoned house. The old brick walls and red roof of her house now looked indistinct and unfamiliar. The girl ripped off her little red petticoat, throwing it up into the darkness of winter. She danced into the mysterious depth of her newfound freedom and was swallowed by the winters night.

All that jazz

We flip carelessly through piles of clothing
scattered across the rainbow Persian rug
gazing at ourselves in the mirror
screaming with delight at our unfamiliar reflections.

We rummage among the mess
the jacket tumbles down to your knees
I stumble and trip in Mummy’s synthetic leather heels
her precious Victorian style sunhat hides my face.

Long golden curls clash with your tuxedo,
this silver singlet reveals too much skin on me
but we’re five years young so we don’t notice.

The silk shirt sleeves dangle past my waist
matched with a gypsy skirt that I slip on
muddy footprints stamped on the delicate flower patterns
I wipe it hastily against the newly spread bed sheets.

I’m sure Mummy won’t mind.

When you change into a velvet green nightgown
you look like a little Russian porcelain doll
so pale and so perfect.

The velvet eases gently off your smooth white skin
I change out of the artificial fur jacket six sizes too big.
The floor a whirlpool of fabrics
then we change back to our shirts and shorts.

Teenage Blues

This is an article I wrote late last year which got published in the 'College Herald'. It's about the facts of teenage depression and how frightening it can be.

It was lunch time and I was looking forward to be getting a break before chemistry. I could see my friend walking along the English block with a blank look in her eyes. I ran up to her to give her a hug, she shrugged me off violently. Her constant lack of energy and mood swings frightened me. I told her she needed help, and fast. She told me to leave her alone, she said she was fine. She pushed past me aggressively and made her way up the stairs. I knew she was depressed but I couldn’t understand why. She has her whole life ahead of her. Couldn’t she see that?

Depression is a huge problem in teenagers all around the world and it is only getting worse. Statistics show that teen depression has tripled since 1970. But with all the advanced technology and highly developed medical fields in modern society, shouldn’t teen depression be dropping instead of rising? Why are teens in today’s society resulting to suicide instead of finding another way out of difficult situations? Social status, family issues, school work and many more burdens can fall upon teenagers. Teenage years are very vulnerable and emotional and sometimes when a teenager reaches a point when they think they cannot cope anymore, they can face teen depression. The sad thing is that many teenagers think that there is no way out during depression and that they are alone. They do not know that there are people out there that can help them.

Teenagers who have low self esteem or are very self critical can often feel the pressure of being a teenager being too simply too much too handle. Sometimes, when a big change occurs in a teenager’s life they can because depressed. At the most extreme cases depression can lead to self harm and even teen suicide. Being neglected, not being able to fit in, going through hard times or chronic illness are major factors of teen depression. However, teens going through depression can know that they’re not alone. Statistics show that around twenty percent of teenagers will experience depression before adulthood. About five percent of all teenagers suffer major depression at some part of their teenager hood. This is a huge percentage of all teenagers around the world and it shows how common depression is amongst teenagers.

Drop in energy, rapid weight lose, short concentration span, high levels of sadness, persistent bad mood, loss of interest, moving very slowly, extremely low self confidence and suicidal thoughts are all common symptoms of depression. However when depression is left untreated for a long period of time, bigger changes can occur. Drop in grades, substance abuse, suicide threats, no regards of appearance, not wanting to socialize and have problems with relationships are long term changes that can arise. Teenage years are crucial to a person’s development; this is why teen depression can leave dramatic effects on a person’s life permanently.

Teenagers suffering through depression need to be promptly and professionally treated. If depression is left untreated it can be life threatening. There are many different types of therapy and professional people that specialize in teen depression. They will be there to help and guide the teenagers onto the right path. A good lifestyle can help alleviate teen depression. There are also medications teenagers can take in order to help the teenager feel less scared and nervous. These are usually given out during therapy sessions. With all the professional treatments out there, teenager should be able to beat depression. Unfortunately, many of them don’t.

I watch my friend’s hunched framed make its way up the stairs. I don’t even know her anymore. She is depressed and teenage hormones are raging but it shouldn’t have such a dramatic effect on her life. Teenagers are at a stage where they have their whole futures ahead of them. They need to know that the days will only get brighter if you believe it will. British philosopher Bertrand Russell once said: ‘Most people would rather die than think; in fact they do so.’ Why is this though? Why can’t teenagers see all that life has to offer instead of all that life hasn’t? Teenage years should be the happiest years of someone’s life. It shouldn’t have to be a teenager’s nightmare.

Shanghai Night

A million sets of eyes peering out at me,
I look around wondering which ones are yours.

Feet tapping rapidly against the concrete road,
Quick, swift, unfamiliar movements.
Cars darting along like arrows,
The sizzling smells of delicious foods flood the busy streets.
Casinos, pubs, nightclubs; bright lights which catch the eye,

That’s Shanghai City for you.

Night is when all the people come out,
Thousands, millions of faces.
And I’m just one person.

Magnificent buildings stretch right out into the sky,
The lights flicker on and off like stars blinking their eyes.
I look up at the tallest building and wonder,
If I climbed to the top if I could lick the clouds.

Maybe they’ll taste just like candyfloss.

Lost in the big city

A million sets of eyes peering out at me,

I look around wondering which ones are yours.
Cars gliding as fast as darts and arrows,
Flying, brushing, pushing past.

Drunkards, prostitutes, druggies,
Lost just like me amongst all the smoke and bright lights.
They are all people looking for themselves,
I pray that they find themselves before it’s too late.

Cold unwanted hands clutch my anxious shoulders,
Too strong, too rough, too determined, I can’t break free.
My teeth sink into a forest of coarse, stiff hair,
I hear him screaming; swearing as I dart into the busy road.

I sense voices around me but none of them are yours,
I see my body lifeless on the bitter stone concrete.
I dream for you to come and find me.

Please take me home.

My future career

My writing for publications teacher once questioned me what my ideal future career would be and I immediately replied 'a magazine editor.' 'Great' she said, 'you have something to write about.

I sit on my bed staring at my large collection of magazines. From ‘Time’ to ‘Vogue,’ magazines have been and still are a huge part of my life. However, it was only until I reached high school when that I suddenly realized I could someday become a part of the evolutionary process of producing magazines. With years of difficult but worthwhile training, I may be competent enough to become a magazine editor in chief. For my works to someday be rewarded on the glowing faces of women everywhere while reading my weekly creations will be a dream come true.


Magazines are primarily produced to provide entertainment for everyday women who want to get a glimpse of the luxurious life. As glamorous as it sounds to be working alongside many notable designers, photographers and actors who are featured in the magazine, it takes many years of hard work to obtain a stable job in the magazine industry. The top position in the magazine world is credited as ‘The magazine editor in chief.’ The magazine editor in chief certifies that the magazine is completed before the deadline of release or else the company will face a deficit. They make sure all of the employees are correctly doing their jobs and that the magazine content is thoroughly up to date. They acquire the most publicity, he or she represents the company during public events and appearances. The magazine editor in chief is able to express their opinions on every aspect of the magazine.

In order to pursue a job as a magazine editor in chief, a degree in journalism or media studies in a qualifying university is essential. Magazine publishers select the most proficient applicant for the job, these people usually have previously worked as assistants in other magazine companies and have a good understanding of the industry. The applicant’s background, previous work experience, skills and qualifications are thoroughly looked upon before they are selected for the job. The aspirant is then given a few weeks trial before they are allocated to full control of the staff.

Successful names in the magazine world such as GQ, Marie Claire, Elle and Vogue are all popular in providing entertainment to women all around the world. The magazine editor in chief is very important to the success of a magazine company because they make all the important decisions and deal with the losses. With adept writing abilities, reading competences and people skills, a magazine editor in chief must skilfully advertise the magazine brand so that women are interested in buying it. A magazine company cannot possibly run smoothly with out the guidance of an outspoken and organised magazine editor in chief.

I lie on my bed daydreaming about how wonderful it will be to someday to become a magazine editor in chief. As I study all the benefits of the job, I can also see all the years of technical training and hard work that I will also have to endure. Conversely, it won’t be as easy or glamorous as I have imagined, but I am still willing to persevere with the purpose of achieving my dream.

Forgotten Friend

This is a very cheesy poem I wrote a while back based a little girl reminiscing about her old friend who was a boy.

We used to sit among all the grass and leaves,

Pretending we were in a far away jungle.
Shuffling the pebbles with our tiny hands like gold,
In our own little hiding place.

You left me so you could play with the bigger kids,
I fell over on the gravel trying to chase after you.
You used to tell me that boys didn’t cry.
But that day you cried even harder than me.

You stopped coming to our hiding place soon after,
I heard someone say you moved away.
I thought if I stopped playing with Barbie dolls you’d come back.

That was five years ago.

The trees in our hiding place died away with your presence,
My childhood dreams soon followed.
I replaced our stories with heavy textbooks

And stopped waiting for you.

What I now know for sure

This is the February post of my monthly: 'What I now know' for sure inspired by Oprah Winfrey.

1. You deserve only the best:
This is to all of my blog followers: 'You all deserve the best in life because you owe yourself that much'.

2. Happy girls are the prettiest girls:
As said by screen legend Audrey Hepburn. Don't doubt the fact that you are beautiful. Be happy knowing that you are blessed and loved.

3. You can't be all things to all people:
Don't expect everyone to appreciate your humanity. Instead, cherish the people who do love you.

4. Don't easily forgive someone:
Not everyone is worthy of your forgiveness.

5. Be your own hero:
Don't look for motivation from someone else, ultimately it's your own life you are living.

6. If someone gives you advice, listen:
Everyone has a: 'What I now know for sure' list. When someone is giving you decent advice, they're doing it through life experience. If you listen, you are learning something from them.

7. Accept your mistakes, correct them:
Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone has the courage to correct them.

What makes a family?

A typical family; mother, father and the children. But is there really such thing as a normal family? How easy it is for somebody to only judge the exterior walls without uncovering the whole house? In the television series 'Wife Swap', wives from different families swap homes to see what it feels like to fit into another person's shoes. In most cases, it was very hard for the wives to accept their new husbands and families. The trust and acceptance they had held towards their real families could not be re-established in their new homes.

It's hard to doubt the fact that all families are dysfunctional. When you have dissimilar personalities living under one roof almost everyday of their lives, it's only a matter of time before disputes start. With outsiders whom you find objectionable, you can simply walk away, but you can't do that with family. An Aunt of mine suffered many mental-breakdowns as a teenager because of the verbal and physical abuse her father had inflicted onto her, her mother and younger brother. But as she grew older and wiser, she thanked her father for her later success.

It's true what they say that you can't choose your family. People often view other peoples' families through rose colored glasses. It's like envying a piece of clothing worn by someone else but once it's on your own back, it will gradually lose its value. It's easy to take something or someone for granted, to expect your family's care without questioning its worth. Family among all other things in this world will not last forever. I read last week in the New Zealand Herald a true story about a New Zealand woman who had lost her husband and three daughters to the Haiti Earthquake. That was just one among many equally traumatizing occurrences. The family did not expect their lives together to end so abruptly, they were still looking forward to a fulfilling life together. From this story, it is stated how easily families are torn apart. We need to appreciate every second with our family because we won't have them forever. The blessing of a happy family will always be immeasurable.

Unrequited love

Dear heartbroken friend,

I know you've waited two years to ask him if whether he likes you and I also know you're heartbroken by his answer. You were so young when he stole your heart. At the tender age of fifteen, you learnt a life lesson. You should have seen it coming when he chased after older girls. You should have witnessed his true nature when you found out his dirty secrets. But none of that mattered to you, you were still fatally in love with him.

Everything happens for a reason. During these past two years, I've seen you light up at the mere mention of his name. You were too bewitched by his ostentatious smile to listen when people told you he was not worth your time. Your friends spoke until their voices were hoarse telling you that you and him are not meant to be. He's a stuck-up unsettling boy who judges people primarily on their looks. You're a beautiful kind hearted girl who is open to give anybody a chance.                             

There's someone out there waiting for you. Someone who will tell you how lovely you are and treat you with the respect you deserve. This person won't be perfect because he's only human but he'll try his very best to make you happy. Don't settle for second best, give it time. This boy didn't return your love for him but it doesn't mean there isn't someone who will. You've always been here for me and it's hard to see you so upset over someone who wasn't even worth your single breath. I'm writing a letter for you on my blog because when you read it, it'll be easier for you to understand. Don't let his rejection be a painful nightmare of unrequited love, instead let it be an eminent learning experience that will stay with you for the rest of your life.

Yours

A caring friend           

A moment in time

February 6th 2001

Dear Diary,

It's so unfair! Everyone else is going to this sleepover and I'm not allowed to go. This cute boy everyone likes is going, so why can't I go!? My parents still think I'm a child but I'm turning eight this July! That's only two measly numbers away from a double digit number!

This was a small section of a diary account I had written as an eight year old. Back then, I was still a little girl wanting to keep a journal of her life. Now, almost nine years later, I let every precious moment slip me by without a second thought. What I'm questioning myself now is; how many nine years do I still have left in my life? Another nine years speed by, I'm working. Another nine years pass by, I'm getting married. What's next? Retirement? A primary reason I am aiming to constantly update this blog is because it lets me speak for the present. The present however, only lasts if you never look back. But I want to look back, to reminiscence on all of the thoughts and memories I had once taken for granted.

I was naive to once think love as an eight year old could last forever, or that not going to a silly sleepover was the end of the world. Looking back, I'm glad I made some of the mistakes I had made as a child. It's ultimately your recovery from a fall that defines the person you will someday become. I've on no account been as apprehensive about the future as I am now. I'm scared I'll miss the moments which can alter my life for the better. I don't want to look back someday and see a life full of mistakes, regrets.

I've always been a fair judge of character but I've never ventured below the surface to really understand somebody. I've been afraid to do so incase when I truly understand somebody, I'd see them differently. But on the other hand, I'd be more empathetic towards people with different views to me. It's difficult to say how long a journey I have left to travel or what kind of people I'll meet along the way. I've encountered many interesting and wonderful personas during the sixteen years I've been in this world. They've helped me to see the world in a different light. I know they won't stay forever, but each person owns a moment of my life.

Silence has the loudest voice

Possibly the most strategic method of both attack and defense I have acquired during this short summer break is the silent approach. I’ve always been a firm believer of communication, using words to solve problems. However, from present encounters I’ve apprehended that words often give a direct scoop into a person’s emotions. The last thing you want an adversary to sense from you is softness. Silence gives a person an enigmatic quality that shields what they are really thinking.

Have you ever stumbled upon moments when your parents are silent towards you after you’ve done something they consider inappropriate? You immediately question your own actions and attempt to decipher what your parents are thinking. When you begin following your parent’s orders or beg for their forgiveness, you’ve succumbed to the power of silence. I remember a few weeks ago my mum was annoyed at me for wearing short shorts. Instead of her usual lectures, she completely ignored me. When I tried to talk to her, she tightened her lips and avoided all eye contact. Finally, I caved into her bizarre new approach and changed into pants.

The fear of not knowing will taunt even the most intrepid of people. When you can’t decipher what a person is thinking, you won’t know how to handle them. The strongest method of defense is to simply say nothing. In a situation where a person is verbally targeting you, say nothing and walk away. In this fashion, not only will you not have any weight to carry, you’ve forced your adversary into a tight corner. If they scream at you while you are walking away, they’ll look unreasonable. On the other hand, if they are silent towards your actions, they are seeping into curiosity. When you leave someone hanging in midair, they’ll naturally wonder why.

People who insult or criticize other people aim to make their victims miserable. However, when the supposed target is silent and walks away, no softness can be sensed. Big fish eat small fish. Small fish eat even smaller fish. If a small fish tries to physically defend itself against a big fish, it will be eradicated. But if the small fish swims away, the big fish will have to seek a new prey. There are people in this world with tongues like knives; the more you wrestle them, the more hurt you will become. If you simply walk away from their assault, you're making a bold statement that their words have no effect on you. Remember the old saying ‘barking dogs seldom bite.’ Don’t be afraid to walk away, the most your attacker can do is bark at you, they won’t bite.

Silence speaks louder than words. Often too much is said when a person is angry. Words can expose many opinionated concepts therefore causing complications. People out of rage have exposed to someone else ‘exactly what they think of them.’ This is especially unnecessary because as annoying as the other person may be, when you ignore them, they’ll instinctively bother somebody else. It will save you from regretting your sudden heat of the moment and prevent you from making a redundant enemy.

When you are silent you are strong, firm and unfathomable. When you are silent towards someone, you are cutting apart all lines of communication with them to give them the impression that you no longer want to be a part of their life.

“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.”

Audrey Hepburn's advice on life

Iconic screen actress Audrey Hepburn emcompassed the grace, elegance and poise few women could ever achieve. But it wasn't just her beauty that stands the test of time, it is her attitude towards life.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you will never walk alone.

People even more than things have to be restored, renewed, revivied, reclaimed and redeemed. Never throw out anyone.